My ANniversary

Today marks 4 years since I underwent surgery to remove a brain tumor and the affected balance nerve. The tumor is called an acoustic neuroma, (hence “AN-niversary”) and I don’t always make note of the day, but this year it is on my mind. About 6 months after the surgery, I developed a chronic daily headache near the site of the craniotomy that never completely goes away. And while this new reality has altered my life in profound ways, I continue to feel extremely lucky: lucky to be alive, to have some functional hearing left in that ear, and to have a strong foundation of yoga to help me cope with the altered-state experience of living with only one balance nerve. (we call it “wonky head” which pretty much says it all).

I’m not unique; we all have something we are dealing with, or we care for someone who does—an illness, an obstacle, a condition, an experience—that adds suffering to our lives, and re-shapes our awareness of who we are. I will never be who I was before the tumor, but despite living with (low-level) chronic pain and wonky head, I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to have the skills to cope with it, the love of my family and friends to support me, and the many gestures of kindness that are freely given by people who know me, and people who don’t.

My “suffering” is relatively minor. There are plenty of people dealing with worse. And much of that suffering and adversity is virtually invisible. I guess my point is we never know what someone is dealing with, but I know personally that when I am having a crappy day, a small kindness can lift me right out of pain.

 We are at our best when we are kind to each other. For me, as it may be for you, it is the small, daily kindnesses that help me face my bit of pain with grace and acceptance.

Small kindnesses: I’m trying to make them a regular part of my day and I feel tremendous love and gratitude for all the people who do the same. Thank you!